I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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