My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
