girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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