I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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