I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize