There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
