I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
