He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
