I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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