I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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