wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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