my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
