okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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