the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
