My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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