ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
