there was a trapeze. enough said
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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