I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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