my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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