I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
