rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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