we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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