ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
