look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
