were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
