And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You pole danced in your parka.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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