you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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