At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
