i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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