dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
