I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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