True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
