Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
