I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
