i was born a porn star she said
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
