I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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