Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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