i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
