it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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