So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think my mom watched the whole time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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