Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
