Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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