Moan for me like Helen Keller
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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