I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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