Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
