Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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