my vag is so smooth its legendary
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
