I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
