You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
