i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
