My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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