Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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