I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
