threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
