found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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