I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
