i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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