I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
