Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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