that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I died a long time ago.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
