we have officially lost it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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