We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
