It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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