my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
