who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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